The Toymaker-Work In Progress

By Kaitlyn Buckhannon

Description: This is a work-in progress version of my short film "The Toymaker". I've only included Act 1 and most of Act 2 in this video. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

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Tara---
Your art work is superb and tell your story so clearly!! Love the score!
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Kaitlyn---
Thank you Tara!
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Anni---
I love youre drawings! You tell a great story just with the drawings!
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Kaitlyn---
Thank you Anni!
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Eileena---
It's all in the details and your story is well put together. Great work helping us to understand it just by looking at the visuals. You obviously put a lot into putting it together. The scenes were well thought out.
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Kaitlyn---
Thank you Eileena! I'm glad that you were able to understand my story just through my boards!
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Stefan---
Hi Kaitlyn, your Act I and II look really good! I love the composition in the scenes, nice camera angles and use of close-ups. The character is also appealing, I love the attitude where the character makes beautiful things with what other people see as trash, very inspiring. The only thing I didn't find clear was when the character looked through the window and saw people working behind computers, does she want that kind of life/work or does she find it sad/uninspiring that people live/work like that? I am curious to see how this story ends :)
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Kaitlyn---
Hi Stefan! Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you find my character inspiring :) To answer your question, she finds it sad/uninspiring that people live/work like that. I was concerned about this scene being unclear as well and I'll be sure to include moments where it clarifies that she doesn't want that future for herself. I thought this scene would be a good way to hint at her inner conflict and then quickly continuing on with Act 1. In Act 3, we'll see her go into that workplace and hopefully my storyboards will make it more clear that this is an environment that she doesn't find inspiring or appealing. Thanks so much for your helpful feedback!
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MariaPia---
Hello Kaytlyn! I loved the character, their expressions and journey. Also I loved all the drawings and sound effects. Can't wait to see the whole story. Great work!
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Kaitlyn---
Thanks MariaPia!
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Chris---
Very good drawings. I like how you made a plotline about building a robot. Was the character collecting parts at the beginning to build the robot? Overall, very good job.
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Kaitlyn---
Thanks Chris! Yes, in the beginning Ava goes around town and collects cans to sell for money. She also enjoys gathering objects from the trash bins that could later be used as parts for building toys. We see her in Act 1 add a bike light and a wooden hand to her stash. Thanks again for the feedback!
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Peter---
I really liked the pacing and how we are always seeing things from the character's point of view. The idea of turning trash into treasure is a strong narrative device. I also loved that the recycle center building looked like a big can. I am a little unclear about what happened when the character touched the top of the little robot. It looked like dust was flying out of it, or maybe that was magic dust? I know this is only the first two acts but it makes me excited to see the last act!
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Kaitlyn---
Yay! I'm so happy someone noticed that the recycling building resembled a can! With this story, I'm challenging myself to not only rely on my characters to provide information to the audience, but also have the environment serve as a character too. For instance, to represent the rigid and serious atmosphere of the town, I tried using mainly straight lines and boxy shapes to resemble a sort of uniform look; while Ava's room is a bit more messy, disorganized and filled with more organic shapes to help evoke a more free lifestyle. So for the toy she creates, the head is actually a bike light. There's vintage bike lights that I believe operated by using a generator to help turn it on, however there are newer models that just have a button or a switch on the top that you can push and the light will come on. That's what Ava is doing when she touches the top of the toy's head. She's switching it on and a beam of light is shinning from it. The particles in the air is dust to help create a little bit more interest. In the complete version of my short film, I'll add shading to each board to help make the drawing more clear. Thanks for bringing this to my attention and hopefully in my final draft there won't be any confusion. Thanks for your kind and insightful feedback Peter! I'm glad you're enjoying my project so far! :)
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Isla---
Wow, Kaitlyn, what a wonderful story! I think you have done an excellent job. I was lucky enough to follow your first submissions and have been watching the evolution of a great story. I like it in every way: the drawing is fascinating, the movement is brilliant, the shots and scenes are perfect, etc. In addition, it has some sound effects at the beginning that I love and make you connect directly with the story. The only thing I would have missed from min 2:18 more sound effects and some music in the general story to give the story the emotionality it deserves. Anyway, you have done a great job and I give you my sincere congratulations :)
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Kaitlyn---
Thank you so much Isla for your insightful and kind feedback! You're always so nice when you comment on my posts and you give such great recommendations to help improve my work! Thanks for being such a helpful artist friend during my journey in this class:) Once I complete all my storyboards for my short story, I would love to add sound effects and music to the entire video! The sound effects really help bring the story to life and overall makes it more interesting. I think music would also be a great element to include too and it would greatly assist in the emotional storytelling as well. Thanks Isla and a big hug to you :)
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Lunastoir---
I LOOOOOVE THIS! The pacing, the drawings, the sounds, the feeligns evoked, etc. etc. etc. It sounds like you already have plenty of feedback, so I will just specific about a few scenes: - 0:27/0:28 she walks and there are the two sides that appear dark but then in 0:28 when she walks in the alley, the two shadows are gone. Maybe shade the alley wall to match - Some sounds don't quite line up, particularly 0:45 when the can is dropped. Just adjust the sound slightly. - 1:39 image wasn't too clear as the pre-image of picking up the items though I love the expression. 1:41 helped clarify what she was doing. Maybe have her zoom out and doing the action of carrying the items - 1:44 I noticed the hand but I asumed it was just me seeing it. Maybe coloring in the hand or adding another sound, not too sure but it wasn't too clear until 1:55 when she was scared and she was starring at the hand (an maybe that's okay too to not realize as the audience). Overall, this is amazing and can't wait for you to finish your story. Best!
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Kaitlyn---
Wow! Thank you so much Luna for your thorough feedback! For 0:27/0:28 I'll be sure to shade in the alley for that scene. When I complete all the boards for Act 2 and Act 3 I'll go back to Act 1 and clean up those boards as well as include shading for all the drawings in order to capture the lighting and to help make the images more clear. I too noticed when reviewing my video some of the sound effects didn't line up. The example you included at 0:45 when the can is dropped is one of them as well as the scene where Ava falls into her wagon and hides out of fear. The sound effects of the cans rattling as she lands on them doesn't sound very clean to me so I'll fix that sequence up too. I can see what you mean for the image at 1:39. That drawing is supposed to represent her reaching out towards the cans in the garbage tin and gathering a bunch of them in her arms. I used that shot choice in order provide a close-up of what she was doing as well as capture her expression. The first time she collects a can out of the garbage in the alley it was illustrated through a wider shot so I thought it would be a good idea to include a close-up of the second time she collected some cans so the audience can get a more clear visual of what she's doing. I'll see if I can find a way to make that image more clear to the audience :) Initially, for 1:44 I intended on having the hand be seen by the audience until Ava sees it for herself causing her to be spooked by it, but now that you bring it up, I feel that I could make this sequence stronger. I could first have a close-up of just Ava's face letting out a sigh and then have her shift her gaze down at her shoulder out of frame. Then zoom the camera out and have a medium shot showing the hand on her shoulder. Then have her react in a frightened manner. Maybe this would be more successful in making the presence of the hand appear more sudden. Thanks for letting me know your perspective toward that scene because now I feel that I can improve it! :) Thank you so much Luna for such a detailed and insightful critique! Your tips will certainly help me create a stronger and clearer story!
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Lunastoir---
Your response to my feedback is so thorough as well and honestly much appreciated too. Even if you don't make any changes because your story is very strong, it's just feels good for our voices to be heard : ) Thanks for that!
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Kaitlyn---
No problem Luna! :)
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Isla---
Wow, Kaitlyn, what a wonderful story! I think you have done an excellent job. I was lucky enough to follow your first submissions and have been watching the evolution of a great story. I like it in every way: the drawing is fascinating, the movement is brilliant, the shots and scenes are perfect, etc. In addition, it has some sound effects at the beginning that I love and make you connect directly with the story. The only thing I would have missed from min 2:18 more sound effects and some music in the general story to give the story the emotionality it deserves. Anyway, you have done a great job and I give you my sincere congratulations :)
K
Kaitlyn---
Thank you so much Isla for your insightful and kind feedback! You're always so nice when you comment on my posts and you give such great recommendations to help improve my work! Thanks for being such a helpful artist friend during my journey in this class:) Once I complete all my storyboards for my short story, I would love to add sound effects and music to the entire video! The sound effects really help bring the story to life and overall makes it more interesting. I think music would also be a great element to include too and it would greatly assist in the emotional storytelling as well. Thanks Isla and a big hug to you :)
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Vivekbala---
Your eye for details and framing is great. I can see you build the emotional core of the story around the toy maker and his love for his craft and his past works that line his hall. Briefly he glanced by the metropolitan office environment but that only showed a distance from that form of work, he is a man who embodies mens et manus the marriage of hand and mind to see things come to life. A element of tension is still absent but you are only half way through Act 2 so looking forward to seeing where you take the story to next.
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Kaitlyn---
Thanks Vivekbala for your kind feedback! I'm not sure if it matters too much but my character is actually a girl :D I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, thanks again!
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Susan---
Very nicely developed character. Clear line work and sound effects in the beginning aided the story telling alot. Was Act 2 ending on a low point for this character? I thought perhaps it needed to go a little further to get to that low point, that I was expecting. Great job.
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Kaitlyn---
Thanks for your feedback Susan. I only included the first half of Act 2 in this video so that's why you haven't seen the low point yet.