The Toymaker-Work In Progress

Hi Stefan! Thank you for your feedback! I'm glad you find my character inspiring :) To answer your question, she finds it sad/uninspiring that people live/work like that. I was concerned about this scene being unclear as well and I'll be sure to include moments where it clarifies that she doesn't want that future for herself. I thought this scene would be a good way to hint at her inner conflict and then quickly continuing on with Act 1. In Act 3, we'll see her go into that workplace and hopefully my storyboards will make it more clear that this is an environment that she doesn't find inspiring or appealing. Thanks so much for your helpful feedback!

Thanks MariaPia!

Thanks Chris! Yes, in the beginning Ava goes around town and collects cans to sell for money. She also enjoys gathering objects from the trash bins that could later be used as parts for building toys. We see her in Act 1 add a bike light and a wooden hand to her stash. Thanks again for the feedback!

Yay! I'm so happy someone noticed that the recycling building resembled a can! With this story, I'm challenging myself to not only rely on my characters to provide information to the audience, but also have the environment serve as a character too. For instance, to represent the rigid and serious atmosphere of the town, I tried using mainly straight lines and boxy shapes to resemble a sort of uniform look; while Ava's room is a bit more messy, disorganized and filled with more organic shapes to help evoke a more free lifestyle. So for the toy she creates, the head is actually a bike light. There's vintage bike lights that I believe operated by using a generator to help turn it on, however there are newer models that just have a button or a switch on the top that you can push and the light will come on. That's what Ava is doing when she touches the top of the toy's head. She's switching it on and a beam of light is shinning from it. The particles in the air is dust to help create a little bit more interest. In the complete version of my short film, I'll add shading to each board to help make the drawing more clear. Thanks for bringing this to my attention and hopefully in my final draft there won't be any confusion. Thanks for your kind and insightful feedback Peter! I'm glad you're enjoying my project so far! :)

Thank you so much Isla for your insightful and kind feedback! You're always so nice when you comment on my posts and you give such great recommendations to help improve my work! Thanks for being such a helpful artist friend during my journey in this class:) Once I complete all my storyboards for my short story, I would love to add sound effects and music to the entire video! The sound effects really help bring the story to life and overall makes it more interesting. I think music would also be a great element to include too and it would greatly assist in the emotional storytelling as well. Thanks Isla and a big hug to you :)

Wow! Thank you so much Luna for your thorough feedback! For 0:27/0:28 I'll be sure to shade in the alley for that scene. When I complete all the boards for Act 2 and Act 3 I'll go back to Act 1 and clean up those boards as well as include shading for all the drawings in order to capture the lighting and to help make the images more clear. I too noticed when reviewing my video some of the sound effects didn't line up. The example you included at 0:45 when the can is dropped is one of them as well as the scene where Ava falls into her wagon and hides out of fear. The sound effects of the cans rattling as she lands on them doesn't sound very clean to me so I'll fix that sequence up too. I can see what you mean for the image at 1:39. That drawing is supposed to represent her reaching out towards the cans in the garbage tin and gathering a bunch of them in her arms. I used that shot choice in order provide a close-up of what she was doing as well as capture her expression. The first time she collects a can out of the garbage in the alley it was illustrated through a wider shot so I thought it would be a good idea to include a close-up of the second time she collected some cans so the audience can get a more clear visual of what she's doing. I'll see if I can find a way to make that image more clear to the audience :) Initially, for 1:44 I intended on having the hand be seen by the audience until Ava sees it for herself causing her to be spooked by it, but now that you bring it up, I feel that I could make this sequence stronger. I could first have a close-up of just Ava's face letting out a sigh and then have her shift her gaze down at her shoulder out of frame. Then zoom the camera out and have a medium shot showing the hand on her shoulder. Then have her react in a frightened manner. Maybe this would be more successful in making the presence of the hand appear more sudden. Thanks for letting me know your perspective toward that scene because now I feel that I can improve it! :) Thank you so much Luna for such a detailed and insightful critique! Your tips will certainly help me create a stronger and clearer story!

Thank you so much Isla for your insightful and kind feedback! You're always so nice when you comment on my posts and you give such great recommendations to help improve my work! Thanks for being such a helpful artist friend during my journey in this class:) Once I complete all my storyboards for my short story, I would love to add sound effects and music to the entire video! The sound effects really help bring the story to life and overall makes it more interesting. I think music would also be a great element to include too and it would greatly assist in the emotional storytelling as well. Thanks Isla and a big hug to you :)

Thanks Vivekbala for your kind feedback! I'm not sure if it matters too much but my character is actually a girl :D I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, thanks again!

Thanks for your feedback Susan. I only included the first half of Act 2 in this video so that's why you haven't seen the low point yet.